8.12.10

A very epic maxim christmas bro!



There are few things on this planet that make me feel more simultaneously baffled and happy.

I can scarce contain my childlike wonder upon imagining the douchbaggery that will be present at this party beer bonging funnels of egg nog. Dude after dude, slamming redbull after redbull, minds abuzz with copious amounts of caffeine, ginseng, and taurine, clouding all judgement and landing them in the Bishops judgement seat on Sunday morning for excessive zipper sparking.

"Dress to impress from casual to glam but don't show ur assets at this Killer Maxim Theme Holiday Mansion party!!!" What? what does that even mean? And is "Killer" part of the title? Apparently "don't show ur assets" (it is somewhat painful to even quote "ur") is a hip way to say dress code. Which seems wholly unnecessary, since this isn't Halloween, which is the only certified BYU Mormon skank holiday.

I imagine the bro writing this was constantly pumping his fist in the air, after each "sentence." I'm pretty impressed that he used the correct "their," in reference to the female glory that would be in attendance. I am, however, concerned about "You into Boys? We got some crazy ones of them too!" Avant garde sentence structure aside, this question seems to be geared toward men, and therefore gay men. I think he should have been a little more clear and said, "Yo ladiez, you into boys..." This would help stem the tide of homosexuality that will probably mistakenly descend upon the party, drink all the fruit spritzers, realize no alcohol is involved, and storm out in a flamboyant rage, leaving with half the ladies who just wanted to dance and were sick of all the attempted bro crotch grinding.

I guess when I read these sorts of things, I am amazed that EVERYONE isn't having the same incredulous/embarrassed/hilarious reaction that I am. Incredulous, because how can this guy possibly be serious? Embarrassed, because...how can this guy possibly be serious? And hilarious, because...HOW CAN THIS GUY POSSIBLY BE SERIOUS??

I guess I fail to take into account the endless droves of dudes who purchase Ed Hardy shirts, whose main goals are at least 5:1 man to babe hot tub ratios (as opposed to the usually 20:1), finding the most epic killer top 40 grinding parties, and selling enough alarm system or Direct TV accounts to score sick H2's and beamers. And the true religion donning hollister babes that are like, so into that.

THANK YOU.

7 comments:

sbodier_1 said...

Is this for real??? You and I...are on the same page. LOL. When I first read the, "You into Boys? We got some crazy ones of them too!", my first thought was, "Oh, they are inviting the gay crowd. How nice." Then I scrolled down and saw the picture at the bottom of your post. They make me feel ashamed to even live in the same county.

julieb said...

thank you.
I saw this on facebook, and thought it was a joke at first.

Crystal said...

Dave and I get a kick out of picking out the sweetest bros. Dallas, although not really "sweet bro" country, has some real winners. But these Provo boys put them to same. I'm pretty sure attending that party would for sure kill me . . . "with koolness" no doubt.

Jenna said...

C U there, rite?

Dave said...

Earn 200,

More details please? I came to this site wondering how I could score an easy $200.

Thx.

anne. said...

favorite things. 'fur' and Lighting, with a capital L.

ravenwaves888 said...

All I can say is that Im mad I didn't hear about this party sooner. Little heads up next time you have a killer party Fish..