Pervs and bitter regrets

Sometimes, a fun thing to do, is browse the "Men seeking women" section of Craigslist. Either, you find your boss soliciting himself in an attempt to find someone just desperate enough to be, somehow, interested in World of Warcraft, 2 pitbulls, and this:

Or, this:
Because everything about this is pretty much the best thing, I will just start with most best, and move through least best (but still pretty best.)
Most best: "Want to get on my massage table tonight," in conjunction with creepy photo in a dark room.
Next best: He is not only in a dark room, but also shirtless in a bathrobe.
Third best, barely less best than the first two bests: "I am very trained well. You need one after a hard monday? Table is heated as well." This actually might become first best, if you read it with a Russian/Slavic accent.

Speaking of pervs, it is pretty hard not to feel like one, when wandering around workshops at a dance competition, making short video clips for a b-reel of girls 8-18 dancing around in what amounts to be sports bras and hot pants. Which is what I did all weekend, at the behest of Joe the homosexual vampire, director of this particular dance competition. I spent several hours, weaving in and out amongst young, dancing females, and then sifting though, editing, cutting, and moving 100's of clips to create a fairly pointless 3 minute video, so said females could scream and point when they saw themselves pop up on the screen for 3 seconds, at the end of the competition.

Over the weekend, I found myself filled with deep regret that I didn't somehow have an innate desire to be a dancer as a young lad, in conjunction with incredible resilience to homosexual jokes and the persecution which would inherently accompany any male child being a dancer in the 90's (and probably now.) Regret, because I think that when young, manly boys (boyhood me) are shunning all thoughts of dance, they (I) are not thinking about the fact that, while dancing seems naturally feminine, this isn't a bad thing--because one (me) will be constantly surrounded by females. Females that see you (me) as a novelty, being in the 3% of dancers that are male.

45 year old guy would not be having to lure females into massage traps via Craigslist had he been a dancer.

Oh, the bitter, burning regret.


Jenna said...

I triple dog dare you to make a craigslist ad.

With a shirtless photo.

And just so you know, most girls don't go for the male dancer types. Something about the polyester body suits and make-up.

Fish Nat!on said...

Perhaps a lot of common females do not, but there are a lot of attractive dancer girls who do. Attractive, of course, being relative to age.

Stefanie D. said...

Are you sure you didn't find that ad on KSL? Because they are doing a special on serial rapists tonight.

Dave said...

might want to look up the word "nubile." Little uncomfortable when applied to pre-teens.

Meanwhile, that add is the best. I wonder if any of these things that we see as "dealbreakers" are actually "closers" for some female somewhere.

"Well, I normally wouldn't, but, he says the table is heated."

"Well, I normally wouldn't, but, what a cute failure to grasp the English language."

"Well, I normally wouldn't, but, I love bathrobes."

Just because these moves didn't work for you or me doesnt mean they didnt work for somebody.

Probably someone in a 3XL shirt with a pissed off duck saying "I'm the boss"

Brad Fallon said...

Funny post! Love it!

i heart betseys said...

wah ha ha ha ha! your blog is totes hilarious!

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