Getting jimmered way hard

I think the only really great thing about this BYU coug getting kicked off of the team for honor code violation, is the fact that the event has most certainly turned the obnoxious word 'Jimmered,' (-verb [gym-erd] 1. to get one's ass kicked by Jimmer, a rather high scoring BYU point guard, 2. to get one's ass kicked in anything, really e.g. "Dude, that team like, totally got Jimmered tonight!" "Dude, you totally Jimmered me at Tekken just then!.") into a wonderful euphemism for any "accidental" sexual act, e.g. "Davies totes shouldn't have Jimmered that babe." "After 7 minutes of intense zipper sparking, Davies Jimmered in his pants, thus disqualifying (*see also Jimmering) him from future basketball endeavors."

There are several sad things here. 1, being that this Davies guy possibly gets to go down in history as the guy who couldn't keep his Jimmer in his pants, and therefore Jimmered his team's chance at a #1 seed, and maybe a championship (see how that works? A myriad of uses exist for that one, wretched verb, all thanks to fortunate/unfortunate circumstance.) 2, being the fact that this situation even exists.

Let me first say, that I am glad that BYU is sticking to their holy guns, and not making an exception for a beloved athlete. However, I think that the fact that this situation even exists is completely absurd. Let me also say, that I couldn't care less about college sports. I am in no way affected by the fact that Davies got suspended. But I do think that ultimately the honor code is a coercive system which removes a critical element of agency from those who must adhere to it.

I completely understand that students who wish to attend BYU are well aware of the existence of said honor code before they ever decide to attend the holy university. But the honor code creates a system of "obedience through fear," and spiritual vigilantism that seems antithetical to the nature of the faith espoused by the university. Or, rather, that founded and to this day runs, the university.

Is forcing adults 18-30+ to be away from the opposite sex by the stroke of midnight (or 1 am on the weekends) teaching self control, or forcing obedience? What, exactly, is encouraging students to report the sins of their neighbors to honor police teaching them? I fail to see how such a principle coincides with the religion I was raised in. What about secular punishments for moral crimes? Or engendering fear in a person who would like to 'fix' or 'repent' for something, but is too afraid of getting kicked out of school for attempting to do the right thing?

I think perhaps the most obnoxious thing of all, will be, should the cougs win, all of the inevitable testimony bearing and church lessons built around the story of God blessing the BYU cougs to win the championship, because one player had the integrity to be honest about his zipper sparking at the dawn of March Madness. As though God in any way whatsoever cares about which college team wins the final 4. As though God is going to make one team play worse, and lend another greater skill because some fans pray harder and pay their tithing to a truer faith.

The truth is, BYU Jimmered itself on this one. All for a rule set that those attending the school should, (for the most part - no beards and a curfew? get real) in theory, be following anyway.


julieb said...

lol... my fav part. "Davies totes shouldn't have Jimmered that babe."

Jenna said...

My roommates totes laughed hard at this.

Claire Valene Bagley said...

Well, well, well... So this is the source of the stupid fbook profile status I've been seeing over the last couple weeks, hmmmm? I never heard the origin story till now. Many thanks to you, Fishy, for clearing the air.

Nueroman said...

I love you blog I just started mine because I decided I have a crazy life as it is and funny stuff that that I could post on the internet Jimmering I love that word I tend to use crazy words like that myself! well come check my blog out I just started so stay in check with it I have plenty of funny stories to put on and whatever else I put on it