31.3.11

You're welcome

The ratio gap between girls who date me, and then immediately marry the next guy they date, VS girls who date me, and then sink into a terrible depression, forever after wandering the earth, ever seeking an elusive something, and that something being, probably, me--is staggering.

It's like, several-zero.

Which makes me wonder--what is this power which I apparently imbue upon ex's, which makes them suddenly appealing enough that any given guy is ready to forever cast in his lot (or at least until the nasty divorce, *fingers crossed*) with this person, this dear ex of mine?

Lest I be crucified, the fingers crossed for the divorce was a tasteless joke, bred of something close to the most mild bitterness that one can espouse, putting one on the cusp of being a tiny bit bitter, and not giving a hot damn. In other words, I didn't mean it. I wish divorce upon no one. Except for a few people. But to none of whom this blog would apply. I typically only cross my fingers for divorce when someone I care about married someone who sucks the worst.

Anyways.

At this point, I do not have one single ex girlfriend that isn't either married, or engaged. And a great majority of these females indeed DID marry the next beaux that got past the 14th date.

I think, perhaps, that I need to seek out my female wizard counterpart (or witch, as it were) who also has this unfortunate ability to magically force ex romances to marry the next person who can coax them into dinner and a movie. If I find this person, perhaps we can cancel out each others' power, or we will simply bewitch each other, and marry whomever comes next.

That would make for some intense pressure, those post wizard/witch relationship dates.

8 comments:

Claire Valene Bagley said...

Oh, George.

I believe I had quite the round of beaux between him and you. Sooo.. your premise is flawed.

Chin up, Charlie. You'll get that golden sexy ticket one of these happenstances.

Fish Nat!on said...

Going out with and/kissing dudes does not count as dating.

alex aulelio shahan said...

wanna date?

Claire Valene Bagley said...

Sure it does. I liked them all. Even the ones where I only held hands and watched cartoons. They're just as significant, if not more, as you were in my dating memorabilia. This is starting to sound like an episode of Maury, so let me just add: I'm 18, I do what I want.

Tristan said...

I understand your predicament all too well. All of my prior girlfriends got married quickly after we parted ways. If you find the witch, make sure she has a sister for me.

Kristine said...

just saying..i enjoy yer blog. it's kept me entertained during many boring afternoons at work.

Anonymous said...

tight crucifixion joke bro

Alison said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I didn't DATE you, but I did get married shortly after we went camping!