The screaming makes it hard

Even though I love my job, it's nice to get to take a little vacation now and then. Especially after this last week; like a million graduations, and saying goodbye to a lot of people I really didn't want to say goodbye to.

The worst part of my job is saying goodbye. And crying like an ass in front of a couple hundred at a graduation.

Flying on planes is weird. As the shitty US Airways flying death trap made a bunch of weird noises right before take off, I thought about what I would do, if my plane were spiraling toward the earth.

Probably nothing useful.

I think my first thought was to pull the pillow out of my satchel, cram my face between my knees, and create a meat/bone/pillow helmet dome out of my arms and said pillow.

But then I thought that I probably also needed to have a good handle on my calves, or else my head/upper body might violently snap back due to the incredible multi-directional forces that would no doubt be attempting to flail me every direction. And I didn't have a meat/bone/pillow helmet dome for my face.

Then I thought, "either way, that seems pretty futile. Maybe I should get my phone out if we're crashing."

I figured I'd have maybe like, a 30 second window during the portion of the terrifying free fall, known as "the final service" zone, which I just named it. I wonder how high the AT&T towers reach? I don't know. It can't be too high. It often barely reaches me on the ground.

I then started thinking about who I would send my final message to, before I ended up in a broken, burning heap, hopefully not in shitty Nevada. I mean if I have to suffer screaming scary death by plane, please god don't let it be in Nevada.

I thought maybe I'd text my mom. Maybe say sorry? I don't know. Then I thought maybe I'd get on Facebook, where I could reach a lot of people at once. And maybe I'd make a really good plane crash joke, which would later make everyone ridiculously sad when they learned the truth.

As I sat there, I kind of settled on that maybe I'd just think about all the reasons that I wished that plane wasn't crashing. Like the people who weren't going to be in my life anymore. And the lives I wouldn't get to be in anymore. And maybe I'd just, in my own little heart, say goodbye.

Which, ultimately, would be easier than saying goodbye to everyone this last week; I wouldn't have to watch anyone that mattered cry. And I wouldn't have to hope they will be okay.

Wait a minute. What am I even thinking? I probably wouldn't be able to have any coherent thoughts, because screaming is LOUD.


Debbie said...

Aww, thanks for thinking of me first! I'm so glad you made it safely home. :) not so much thanks for intensifying my already existing fear of flying since I'll be taking a couple of flights in the next few weeks. :p

Dave said...

Make a plane crash joke on facebook.

But probably better pre-plan that one, or it'll be lame.