Last week I was gone living fake life. For a week. Gosh, I miss fake life. Fake life was at some million dollar home on Bear Lake. Fake life is great. Food never runs out, and you get to put goat cheese on EVERYTHING.
Here are some reasons why I didn't want fake life to end:
Ate half a cinnamon apple coffee cake muffin in the morning. Put the other half back in the box, and came back later that afternoon, and the muffin had regenerated itself, back into its whole, unblemished, muffiny delicious form.
Got some bananas. Forgot to eat them for a couple of days. When I finally decided that a banana shake would was pertinent to my happiness, I found that the bananas were too spotty for my taste. So I rummaged around the fridge, in search of other sundry fruit items. By the time I turned around, the bananas weren't even spotty anymore.
Thought that since it was fake life, doing some coke might be cool. Woke up the next morning with 3 lines awaiting me on the toilet seat. Decided to just eat the regenerated muffin instead. When I checked back later, I guess fake life got pist and cracked the toilet in half. Watch what you wish for in fake life.
I only got 2 mosquito bites the whole week. But I also found that when I licked them, they tasted like Cherry Clan candy treats, which I had apparently been subconsciously craving for a day or 2.
Hot dogs actually tasted good, even sans goat cheese.
Now I'm back in real life. Where I have action bills. And a job. And a mouth to feed. I started eating only half of things, forgetting that in real life, food doesn't just regenerate like a severed worm. Eating half an apple, and then putting it in the fridge is just a mistake. It oxidizes and turns brown, and fake life isn't even there to make it right again. Not to mention, all of the various mystery flavors infesting the fridge permeate the apple, rendering it the taste of some fantastic concoction of withered fruit, old left over food, and fridge stains.
Perhaps I should find an online fake life community, create an avatar, and enjoy all of the regenerating muffins, goat cheese, and good tasting hot dogs that my little avatar can digitally gobble, not to mention meaningful, proxy relationships.
See ya, real life.