23.8.09

How many rats

Could nest in this?


Thank you for leading me here.

Ever have I wondered just how these FLDS goddesses were able to craft such intricate, mind blowing braids. I wonder no longer.

From the site: "Beginning with long hair care and advancing through basic waves and braids, these instructional videos will teach you some of the most intricate hairstyles you have ever seen.

Soon you will be styling your own hair in French braids, Dutch braids, Twists, and more!

The talented hairstylists will take you step-by-step through each of the featured braid styles."

I'd have sure been interested in the "wave" portion around this point in my life:


While 6:02 minutes of this marvelous video have been set aside to cover "basic braids," a paltry 3:34 are dedicated to "french braids." And I'll be damned straight to hell if a proper "dutch braid" can be learned in under 5 minutes.

A comment from a pleased customer: "Hi ladies:-)

I got my DVD's today, safe and sound as promised, (delivered by coach, and a man brandishing a colt 44) and watched them both. I learned a lot of things I never knew before! (Perhaps there is an unmentioned section on ways to spice up sex while fully clothed in a prairie dress)

I must comment on how calming and peaceful watching these DVD's was for me: it was like a trip to a spa, with the relaxing music and the clear, gentle speaking voices of the presenters. (Um. Please direct me to the spa where, while receiving a massage and a cucumber mask, I might also have my hair braided by a professional braid tech, hopefully wearing this:

The production values were just incredible and I cannot begin to say how pleased I am with this product:-) (Pleased enough, apparently, to include a smiley faced emoticon with an elongated nose. Twice.)

Please do keep me on your mailing list should you come out with more of these types of DVD's. I truly enjoyed mine!"

Won't we all?

The other thing I have always wondered, is what the hell polygamist kids play with. You know they aren't allowed Nintendos, or action figures. I always assumed they probably just ran around naked, playing in the dirt until they were old enough to sell magazine subscriptions.

It would appear, that the wooden mini van is a popular item amongst the polyglits. And with the subtle, hearty design, how couldn't it be?

"A Baby Bus? A Van? An SUV?

This vehicle looked like a minivan to us, but it may be just the kindergarten bus you were looking for! (???) Or maybe you needed an SUV?

Ours is 6" long, 3" wide, and 4" tall. (????) It has three window holes so those chubby little fingers can get a good grip. (That all children are assumed to have chubby fingers is a hasty generalization. Unfair, at best. Tsk tsk, pligs.)

Like all our wooden vehicles, this one comes unfinished, ready for you to decorate it just the way you'd like!"


My, but a more thrilled child I have never seen.

Perhaps he was forced to wear one of these "helmets" throughout the younger years of his life, and the sweltering summer heat cooked his brain, forever plastering that incorrigible, empty, slack jawed look upon the poor child's face. The only sensible explanation, since any other child would be more than overjoyed to be surrounded by wooden minivans/kindergarten buses.

"This soft fleece helmet will keep your little one nice and warm. On sale now for a special introductory price of only $5.00!"

At least 7 more reasons to join a polygamous sect, other than the obvious; eventual ownership of a home with 2 garages and 2 front doors.

4 comments:

Roxanne said...

bahahahahhahahahha! this is amazing. Fish, this is why I love you. The images are really the cherry on my ice cream treat.

steph said...

for instructions on how to look like a non-fundamentalist lds girl, see bighappyhair http://www.bighappyhair.com/instructions.html

Josie said...

i just went to the site and am dying, andy!

Dave said...

Are there any instructions on french braiding armpit hair?