Fat suits

Why is buying a well fitting suit in Utah about as easy as finding a blonde headed girl with flare jeans, Ugg's, and a Bumpit artificially elevating the hair around the crown region of her head who DOESN'T think that Twilight was the greatest thing ever written/moviefied? I realize that was a confusing sentence. Let me break it down.

You will never find a fake blonde with Ugg's and a Bumpit who does not think that Twilight is a masterpiece. And for whatever reason, finding a suit that isn't tailored to fit an obese mutant with a giant crotch and an unnaturally tiny waist is night unto impossible.

I don't get it. From what I can tell, fashion is and has been moving in a fitted direction. Gone are the days when having a 34" opening at the bottom of one's pant leg is considered awesome. So why then, has the suit industry not figured this out? I mean granted, I was suit shopping in Dillard's and Macy's. However, I hardly doubt I am alone or a minority in my desire for a suit that doesn't feel like wearing sweat pants. I don't know what sort of person needs an extra yard of fabric in the crotchial region. And someone with a 34" waist certainly isn't filling up that extra crotch baggage with a gigantic, penis concealing pannis.

Pleats. Who is still putting pleats in pants? Again, it makes the crotch area look fat, with all that extra bunched up fabric. Why do I need enough leg room for 3 legs in my pants? Why does anyone? I understand that skinnies aren't for everyone. But why not make the suits fit nicely? Fit, is the key word here.

So I browsed through suit, after "tailored" suit, and all pants were like fat suit pants, minus the fat. Baggy sweats with giant crotches. Maybe it is the local culture? The fact that most people buying suits are going on missions and therefore have no care for fashion? Or are old men who are in Bishoprics, and therefore are oblivious to the importance of pleat avoidance?

Finally, after a great deal of searching, I was able to find a "fitted" suit that was sold in separate pieces. But the vast majority of suits through which I sifted were tailored to fit an imaginary person with 30" thighs, a watermelon sized pannis, and a 34" waist. Although I have aspirations to someday fit that profile, for now I will stick with the fitted suit.


Seneca said...

I am so glad I am a brunette who detests bump-its, Uggs,twilight, and wide leg jeans. Sounds like you have style! Finally!! Your type is rare....most guys who pose to have this kind of style would have quit after trying on the third suit... Props! :D

Brian said...

I just thought you should know that this ' means foot and this " means inch

Fish Nat!on said...

I was distracted. And besides. I'm not a scientist okay?