12.2.10

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS

Whenever I am the recipient of an email forward, in conjunction with the inherent eyeroll, there is always a mental "ugh." Because getting a forward is such a disappointment. Because Bill Gates really ISN'T sharing his fortune with everyone who forwards this. But in addition to the feelings of annoyance, I am also often filled with at least a small amount of curiosity. Not concerning the content of the actual forward, but rather about the nature of THE forward itself. Part of nearly every forward that I have ever received, is this line in the subject: FWD FWD THIS IS A MUST READ! Or, DO NOT DELETE THIS ONE! Or, YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS! Nothing makes me want to read something less, than when I am implored in caps to not delete it, or that I have to see it. I have deleted many a forward that was a must read, and my heart still beats. I have not been stricken down by the hand of God.

Is that why forwards exist? Because so many people, upon receiving one, and seeing the subject line claim of ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE, really believe that they are about to witness something absolutely unbelievable? What does it feel like to read YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS, and feel completely compelled to have to see this? Or, to have one's finger frozen an inch above the delete key (probably just poised on the mouse, in reality) unable to descend, because of having been commanded to NOT DELETE THIS ONE.

As one who does not receive many forwards, I have some questions about them. Most claim that THEY MUST BE SEEN. As opposed to what? Forwards that say, "This is of probable moderate to little interest for most human beings, and therefore the continued forwardation of this is not mandatory." I might actually read such a forward. Rather than a forward created by waddever asshole decided that such a joke, piece of info, picture, video, mantra, religious message, or whatever, needed to be seen by every single mother on the planet and then subsequently forwarded to every living friend and relative of those mothers.

My mother loves forwards, God bless her. I think basically every mother does. And to her credit, she only VERY occasionally sends me the forwards that REALLY MUST BE READ. Like I learned about how not to get smashed to death in an earthquake. Or how not to get scammed by phony census people trying to steal my crapy credit score. If you want, I can forward you those. But I might change the subject lines to, "read if you are bored, or don't want to die horribly in an earthquake." See how that worked? It gave me the option to NOT read, followed by slyly compelling me to read or maybe die horribly. I guess I should start creating forwards.

Maybe I can get monies for that, since I can't find a real job.

3 comments:

Debbie said...

Must make one correction on this... your mother HATES the absurd forwards as much as you do. Thank you for pointing out that you don't get too many from me.
At least now I will know what to put in the subject line so I can continue to save your life and identity.

Kim . . . h2k family blog said...

You hit it right on the head. My father- in- law fills up my email with them, so much I am tempted to block him. The worst part is the ones he thinks are keepers, he will print out and then when you are at his home he will hand them to you to read, watch your reaction and wait to share the "laugh", he needs a new hobby!

Roxy said...

at least you didn't work for a felon. that is not so good on the resume.