I think the last time that I really looked forward to Valentines day, was in grade school when we got to make giant heart shaped sacks, hang them from the front of our desks, and await the Valentines to pour in. I mean, what kid didn't feel loved, being bombarded with all manner of tiny photos of Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Barbies, Care Bears, and a plethora of other cartoon/toy characters proclaiming their love? Signed by Tommy, or Ashley, or Randy.
It was always so great, every girl and boy in the class desiring me to be their Valentine.
Why has that changed? I mean, not that I want boys to give me Valentines. But why are there not hordes of females proclaiming their love to me through novelty pictures and printed candy messages? I think I am infinitely more attractive now than I was during the grade school years. Baffling.
I mean, common. Right? RIGHT??
Now, instead of being showered with gifts of love, I get to serve food for 12 hours tomorrow, and feel really good about being alone.
If I don't make 200 dollars, I am going to throw myself off a bridge. Probably an overpass, since there are not truly viable suicide water bridges in Utah.
On a random side note, I wish that on Valentines day, McDonald's would print love messages on the chicken Mc'Nuggets. Except for, I would want them to be printed underneath the breading. I can just imagine the excitement one would feel upon skinning the nugget with one's teeth, and then holding that quivering little conglomerate of various chicken meats in one's hand, and reading "Ronald Loves You," dyed in red upon the pasty white nugget flesh.
Happy V day. I mean, tomorrow.