Unidentified creatures

I am really just wondering what sort of sub-human creature from the abysmal pit of the netherworld goes out to eat on Christmas eve, and leaves a sub 15% tip. I mean really.

Whatever phylum these particularly wretched creatures happen to fall under, they sure flocked to Carrabbas' last night. Perhaps a winged genus, hence the flocking. One that also has natural protection from the snow. Perhaps a thick layer of blubber. Or just cold blood. And a very very cold heart.

Okay, so whatever. People want to eat out on Christmas eve and I'm mostly okay with that. But for goodness sakes people. Your little familial gorging indulgence is causing me, and many a server/restaurant worker across the nation to get home to our families late. Which, again, I am mostly okay with, because I have to pay the bills somehow. However, when you come in and leave a sub par tip and CHRISTMAS is the next morning...Well, I pose this question; Does such a person really have a soul? How can a person feel good about keeping, albeit a total stranger away from their family on Christmas eve, and not be generous?

This is the first Christmas eve I have ever worked, and I will just say that I was astounded. I really had hoped that humanity would step up. Luckily, I was in the bar and so most of my cash intake wasn't entirely dependent upon the writhing mass of inconsiderate, slimy mystery creatures, which I'll just go ahead and call cheap bastards. I believe actually the Latin name would be Cheeapus Bastardus.

One other thing. If you come in to eat, don't express to me how very deeply sorry you are that I am having to work Christmas eve. Because if you really were sorry, you wouldn't be patronizing my place of employment on Christmas eve. You aren't sorry. You just feel like a terrible person for keeping me from my family, and are thus trying to placate your sense of guilt by apologizing for being the cause.

Even though you are the cause, as I said, I am mostly okay with it. Just don't say you're sorry (because you aren't) and leave a generous tip (because you should.) Very simple. I don't know how many times I heard people apologizing for us having to work last night, and how many servers I heard complaining about poor tipping.

So, cheap bastards of the world; if you must continue to be terrible tippers, at least crawl out of your embarrassing stingy holes for one night during the year. Just add like, 3 or 4 dollars to your normally pitiful sum, and your server will at least feel like you are a semi decent person and that you truly did appreciate his/her service on the eve of the pretend birth of our Lord.

Merry Christmas friends.

1 comment:

Claire Valene Bagley said...

Damn it, Fish.

I already apologized by stuffing upwards of fifty dollars into your thong.

What else wold you want?