I find myself quickly approaching a crossroads. Well. Perhaps not a crossroads. A crossroads would imply that a specific decision must be made, between at least 2 viable options. Or would it be 3? Straight, left, or right? Or 4? Because I suppose one could always turn back around.

I guess, rather than a crossroads, I am approaching a great and spacious "unknown." It's like this; throughout one's life, there are constant and attainable milestones littering one's future. Maybe the first one is starting school. My first was probably becoming a Bobcat. Oh, how I anticipated drinking the wretched bobcat juice, which might have consisted of any number of fanciful boyish fantasies; creature blood, vomit, actual bobcat excrement. It was probably more along the lines of sugarless Koolaid, but oh how I was excited to sup from that fake coconut and twist my face in disgust at whatever it was. So all the other pre-bobcats could writhe in jealousy. So I could be a big deal. A bobcat bitches.

Maybe the next one was high school. You wait your whole life to get there, and suddenly wham! You have 3 friends, none of whom are "cool," and you get made fun of my rednecks all day. Real cool, that goal.

Four years. Such an unbelievably long time. High school was like...forever. The drama, the intrigue, the loneliness, the mischief...seemed like it would never end. Then suddenly it did end. And, despite all of the horror, I liked it. But so what? One more milestone down, one more right around the corner.

I was a missionary. I learned Spanish. I got fat. I baptized people. I didn't eat tacos or grape flavored ANYTHING for 2 years. Suddenly, that too was finished. So what. Now college and a wife.

I assumed the whole wife thing would happen way before college would end, thus giving my life a "purpose." I mean, when you have a wife, then you have kids. You get a job to support said wife and kids. You start buying a house. You get a better job. You acquire "things," and go on vacations, and start your kids on the path to become bobcats and brownies.

But what happens when you accidentally skip the wife part, and just finish college? And with a degree that guides you in no particular direction?

Suddenly, you feel out of readily attainable milestones, and you wonder how it happened.

It's all been so easy to this point; one bobcat after another. Now, the bobcats are much more elusive. I'm not entirely certain which ones to seek out, or where exactly to seek them.

And so, here I sit, ready to (in theory) graduate in 30 days. Do I stay here and languish away in Provo, strapped down by the "where the hell else will I get married" mantra? Do I seek greener pastures?

Gimmie a bobcat here.


steph petry said...
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steph petry said...
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Carla said...

move. go to portland. you don't even really like provo.

Carla said...
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Joliene said...

move to california. i mean, you already know spanish. ha!

Amy said...

if you want to i will hire you as my nanny. you can change the diapers and clean up the puke and, in exchange, i will feed you sandwiches that do not taste like dryer sheets. just another option to add to your list. let me know what you decide.

gwailow said...

Damn Fish, I could have sworn you had more than 3 friends in High School...was I considered one of the 3 or a redneck? Just wondering, cause if were not friends you're no longer a member of the Sally-Real-Cool-Nintendo-Sluffing Class-Eating Expensive Slurpees Club.

Michelle said...

i, too, was teased by the red necks. to this day, i'm not too sure why ...

some of them were nice enough ... but for the most part, something about those wranglers and roper shoes made them real bastards.

Anonymous said...

I was in a real cool club with one Andy Fish. Also i watch the good talk shows with the same said Andy, we had a boat load of friends. I.E The wench party, where josh kennison went all ape on us with those foam things. There was well more the three people there. I had to respond when painter told me about this post. monga, painter & I are 3 not to mention buck,hoop,adam t, lance , and best ben sevy. I could go on. Also i remember your dad having a big dodge truck that you liked to drive around ..... once randy jessops little girl went for a ride in it.
your friend in the lord ,
Derek Everitt

Fish Nat!on said...

Just to clarify--prior to halfway through my senior year, I had less than 3.