Today I was on facebook. I noticed on the news feed, that my cousin, who lives in San Francisco, had posted as his status "NEED URGENT HELP!!!"
Naturally, I thought this was a weird thing to post on facebook. I mean, if a person was in need of urgent help, I think the last thing he or she would do, would be to update his or her facebook status. I could just imagine my cousin, trapped in a heap of twisted metal after a terrible car accident, barely coherent, accessing his facebook account via a cell phone, stating his need of "urgent help."
So I noticed that he (Justin) was currently on and available for chat. So I asked:
what is the urgent help needed?
thank God you're here andrew
*This line immediate raised my suspicion, as he wouldn't have called me andrew.
we're stuck in wales uk....as we speak
*First, I couldn't imagine my cousin updating his fbook status via a cell phone, being a respectable lawyer in his mid thirties, nor could i think of a single reason why he would be in Wales.
got mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed
all cash credit card and cell phone was all stolen off
*At this point, it seemed that either my law school graduate cousin was either really panicked, and had thus lost his ability to form a proper sentence, or he was a Nigerian pretending to be my cousin. I supposed the latter was probably correct.
what can i do??
I am the very most worried about you!
Do you need my help?
it was a brutal experience for us
we really need your help in getting back home
OMG I can totally imagine that such a thing would be very brutal
were you guys very scared?
we're in pains with injuries and bruises
No! what sort of pains and injuries??
I have very worries for you guys!
we need your help andrew
Wait, should I get the guy who got you? I have a .45
I am not even scared to seek vengeance for your hurts and pains and injuries and bruises
*I certainly could not imagine my cousin using the term OMG.
do you wanna help out or not?
Yes! I said I do!
Tell me how to help! I am so worried! an attack in the UK! I cant believe this has happened to you
am damn serious here
is Charlie okay?
*Charlie is Justin's first born
what about Timothy?! Please for the love of god, tell me timothy didn't get hurt
*Timothy, doesn't exist.
dillan is in pains and timothy is fine
our return flight leaves in about some few hours from now..but we're having problem settling the hotel bills
Did they take Timothy's prosthetic leg??
wondering if you could pls loan us some little piece of cash to get the bills sorted out and get a cab to the airport
*At this point, I was very interested as to how much this little piece of cash would be.
will def refund it back as soon as we get back home
I guess i could give you some cash.
how much do you need?
I will only send you cash if you swear in your wrath that you will buy little Timothy a sack of corn nuts. he must be devastated
*the Nigerian was apparently pist that he would have to pony up $1.89 for a sack of corn nuts.
SWEAR TO ME!
we need help here andrew
i swear with my life
how can i even know if you are speaking true?
am damn serious here
*why the exact same misspelling as the first time he was "am damn serious here."?
how can i know that Timothy is really okay??
HOW CAN I KNOW EVEN!!
TELL ME OR YOU GET NO CASHES FROM ME FOR ANYTHING NOT EVEN TIMOTHY"S CORN NUTS!
he is fine and doing good
*I was about 90% reassured at this point.
what color is his prosthetic leg???
how can i even get the monies to you even?
you can have the money wired to my name via western union money transfer
i dont even know if you are damn serious right now
i have my passport with me to pick it up at the western union outlet
how damn serious are you even??
if am not i won't tell you to wire money to my name
you and i know that i will need a proof before i can pick it
well, what name should I send the monies too?
you will need my name and location to wire to
Here's my info below
Location...47 LOUNDOUN SQUARE
Cardiff, GLAMORGAN CF10 5JN
wait, I am really close to where you are at!
Ill just bring you the monies!
I can be there in 15 minutes!!!!
*This was apparently a frustrating concept, me bringing him the monies.
Does that sound great!?
you just have to go down to a western union outlet near you and send the money
That way, I can make SURE timothy gets his corn nuts!
No, dumbass, I am only a few blocks away!
I can just HAND you the monies!
do you wanna help out or not
tell me let me know
Yes, And i also called a police officer, because I am worried about your pains and bruises. he will be coming to that address shortly
and then I will bring you the cash!
At this point, my Nigerian friend apparently realized I was probably not going to send him $1480 dollars, and thus quit corresponding with me.
Now, here is what I find to be a little baffling. Who are the people that actually fall for this? I mean, certainly my dear cousin Justin's account isn't the first this guy has hacked. So obviously, some people are falling for this, and are somehow not realizing that, in an emergency where bruises and pains are involved, a victim is probably not going to be using fbook to find help. I think that if you are too dense to realize that you are clearly talking to a person who does not speak English with any sort of fluency, then you probably deserve to be raped of $1480 dollars.
Unless you are my grandmother. I will beat that guy to death, if he rips off my grandma.