Argentina, land of the clean!

Have you ever inadvertently (or purposefully I suppose) gotten some form of feces on your hand? Perhaps foot? Anywhere at all? Well, after said occurrence did you simply wipe the feces off of said body part with a rag? Of course you didn't. You obviously washed it off, likely with a strong, anti-biotic soap.

As Americans, I think we assume that we are the classiest people on earth. We have our beautiful homes, nicely manicured lawns, grand pianos, Pellegrino, fancy cheeses, fine wines, and nintendo Wii.

Observe your typical, Argentinian home. No lawn, possibly an old Casio Super Star circa '89 that can't play more than two notes at a time and has 23 keys, tap water full of microbes just waiting for the chance to ruin your life, goat cheese (if you're lucky), wine out of a box that is cheaper than drinking water, and direct TV. (yes, this house probably actually has direct TV, the dish is probably on the other side.)

Why then, are we the ones still wiping our bottoms?

Believe it or not, that foundationless shack with no heating or air conditioning, a mini fridge, and a leaky roof probably has a bidet.

What is the matter with us? How have we not figured this out? Let me rephrase my earlier question: when was the last time you had feces on you and just wiped them off? Well, the answer would probably be today or yesterday. Why are we allowing ourselves to walk around dirty? The people living in shacks have it figured out, so why haven't we? Why do we settle for less-than-super-clean-nether-regions?

Sorry Edison, but I think the bidet is a far superior invention. I had the opportunity to become acquainted with the bidet during a brief two year stint in Argentina. While at first awkward in the extreme, the bidet soon became my most beloved friend. The bidet is very simple in function. It has three knobs. The two outer knobs control hot and cold. The middle knob controls the blast. Beware extreme heat or cold, as neither are pleasant, and either can be quite painful. The first time I used it, I felt like a cleansed leper, who had forgotten what it felt like to walk around truly clean.

Before I knew it, two years were up, and it was back to the leper colony.


Anonymous said...

For a real eye-opener you need to plan a trip to San Franciso. A couch awaits you.

the Kev said...

Dude, I miss Argentina and all its bidet-ish bliss.

teandra said...

good one. You tend to ask many rhetorical questions to your lingering audience. I find myself perusing askjeeves.com and wikipedia for any answer to your burning inquiries after every read. So it's educational and entertaining all in one fatal swoop. Femme fatal.