Who sucks the least?

"I hope my ex-wives don't vote for Romney."
"Socialism! Yeah!"
"Abortion is wrong. I think."
"Don't worry. I will get us out of Iraq the day after I'm elected, and those Islamic fascist extremists will just leave us alone."

"Hello, I'm a Bible thumping douche, exactly what non-ultra-conservative-Christian-America wants.""Hey, I'm your moderate extremely liberal candidate. And I'm hip."
"Don't you know who I am?! I was on a TV show, or something. And, I can get sleeveless America out of their trailers and to the voting booth. Larry here, will make sure they vote informed."

Who sucks the least? I fear that will determine my vote this year.