Why is Chuck Norris never mocked on the cover of Us Weekly? Because he would bury his fist in Us Weekly's gossip mongering chest.

Is anyone else sick of seeing Britney Spear's wretched face plastered all over every single magazine? Going to the grocery store literally makes me want to vomit. I can't buy my havarti cheese without being assaulted with images of her dismal, hapless existence. Why does society delight so much in reading about her self-destructive antics? Do we vindicate our relatively normal existence by flaunting the ruined life of someone famous? I'll admit I am a bit guilty of that, in the sense that when I hear of a celebrity's downfall, deep down I smugly think...serves them right. But why does it serve them right? If she got Leukemia tomorrow, would we all be pointing our fingers and laughing? Probably not. So why is it any different when she marries a douche bag, looses her kids, and then goes insane? (No particular order on that one.) I think that our morbid curiosity with human suffering is becoming pathetic. 1.85 million copies of US Weekly alone are sold on a weekly basis. Instead of reading worthwhile literature, we are wallowing in a shallow mire of useless, mindless drivel. Here's an novel idea; how about spending a few minutes a day becoming informed about which lousy candidate to vote for, instead of which celebrity felt bad about having a DUI last week and thus went to church.

I guess more than anything, when I see these magazines, I can't help but mentally scream "Who gives a damn?!" They always seem to seductively whisper back, "Millions. Boo-ya."