So due to the somewhat inconsistent and serious nature of my last blog, I decided that I should post something extra ridiculous to try and balance it out. So here it is. Extra ridiculous. However, it is something that has been on my mind of late. And I think it semi-appropriate due to a previous post. I have probably, in fact asked this very question (or one similar to it) to many of you in person. I am weird. This proves it.

Question. This is an either or. There are no modifications. Either once a week (at a random time) Nickelback bursts out of your chest, sets up their gear and plays a 90 min set. They play "Rockstar" at least 3 times. You are not allowed to in any way inhibit your ability to absolutely enjoy this experience i.e. no ear plugs, no narcotics. If you stab out your ear drums, they instantly regenerate. After the set, they climb back into your chest, and sew themselves back in. You can not turn this into a lucrative venture. On the bright side, once a year the lead singer of Creed also climbs out of your chest for a cameo appearance. A 60 min loop of "Higher" ensues, followed by a 30 medley/duet of "Higher" and "Rockstar," the ultimate hybrid song.


Every 24 hours you give birth to a litter of baby snakes. No epidural. You are not allowed to give them away or kill them. If people come asking for the snakes, they are allowed to take up to 27% of the litter. You may not advertise. Otherwise, you lead a completely normal existence.

Please answer the question. This is important. Probably to a lot of people. I suppose my great curiosity in all of this is, could there be anything worse than a weekly personal concert by nickelback, alien-esque chest bursting aside?

Also, I promise this is not the beginning of this blog's digression.


Carla said...

Though I doubt i would find nickelback even half as annoying as you do, I would pick the snakes, no debate. Baby snakes are tiny and therefore giving birth to baby snakes seems hardly any more inconvenient than waking up and having to go to the bathroom in the morning.

Fish Nat!on said...

actually they come out in a big ball.

Carla said...

there you go always modifying your ridiculous situations after you realize that one is not nearly as bad as the other... i hold that if the askee can make no modifications, you shouldn't be able to either

jessaveda said...

snakes, anyday.

Preston said...

i would never let my body be defiled like that. Snakes for sure

Dave said...

actually that nickleback thing already happens to me.

and yes, its pretty bad.