Avoiding no dignity through anonymity (part VI i guess)

So every now and then I get verbally attacked on my blog by a hater. And pretty much always anonymously. So very brave of them/you. This morning around 7:45, my peaceful slumber was interrupted by a vibration in my bed. I checked my phone, wondering who was bothering me at that ungodly hour. Turns out it was an email from Mr. Blogger. He notifies me when someone leaves a comment on one of my posts. Every time I see the header "Anonymous" I try to throw up a mental barrier against the ensuing negative criticism. Here's what Mr/Mrs. Anonymous had to say concerning the post "No dignity."

"What would you like someone to do? Hit you? Hello, why don't you quit being such an ass. I don't know who you are, but just by reading your blogs, I can tell you are an ignorant ass. You probably think anyone that is not mormon is probably evil. GROW UP. Why don't you quit complaining about what other people do and worry about yourself. You should have been looking at this roundabout situation in an uplifting manner. LIke maybe you should have been nicer to the person. Especially since you said they must have been scared of the roundabout. Why don't you put other peoples feeling into consideration rather than being an ass to everyone you come into contact with. You know...maybe the guy just lost a loved one...and maybe he was having a hard time dealing with it...and then here you are...and ass that thinks they are better than that person...you are the one with no dignity...or maybe too much...you seem to be quite full of yourself. "

"Huh," I thought.

Then my phone vibrated a second time. Another Anonymous gem. This one, concerning the Gary Coleman post.

"Agian with being an ass...what has Gary Coleman ever done to you? Nothing...sounds like you have some major issues. You are going to be one of those people that die alone."

I was pretty amused. I was clearly dealing with a sensitive creature. I responded to the first, "'You probably think that anyone that is not mormon is probably evil,' just labeled you for the ignorant ass that you are.

In what way was I cruel to this person? I simply honked my horn, and he had the irrational reaction. By turning it into an uplifting situation, are you suggesting that I pulled over afterward, and shared with him a loving message about jesus/roundabout etiquette?

Listen. Dead loved one's, recently acquired STD's, a lost job, having been kicked in the groin less than a half an hour gone--never makes flipping the bird less silly or justified.

And I'll not even go into the sarcasm that you are apparently to daft to grasp. Mr/Mrs. Anonymous."

People do not think before they react. This anonymous person clearly validated my entire point about flipping the bird; people react irrationally. They then do (or in this case say) things without thinking them through first. By labeling me an ignorant ass, and saying many things with the intent to be hurtful, Anonymous has labeled his or herself a rather stellar hypocrite (not to mention sort of an ass.) How did Anonymous know that I wasn't having a bad day, or experiencing the death of a loved one when I was creating the post? Why, instead of telling me I was going to "die alone," did the ever so righteous and apparently helpful Anonymous turn it into an "uplifting situation?" And saying that I probably thought all non-Mormons to be evil is just absurd and ignorantly judgmental. Again, just a big bloody hypocrite.

My response to the Gary Coleman comment; "Man, lighten up. I can scarcely imagine the high strung, tightly wound, stiff behind these bravely anonymous comments.

You may be right though; being a 26 year old un married mormon means I have at least a 93% chance of remaining that way, as I sort of missed the early twenties marriage boat. Due to being an ignorant ass, you see."

I guess there will always be haters. I would love it if, just once, one of them would not do it anonymously. That way I could like...digitally flip them off or something.


manda said...

gosh fish, stop being such an asshole all of the time. maybe the anonymous blog commenter was just having a bad head-up-the-ass sort of early morning and the only person he could think to take out his digital or e-aggression on was you, someone he didn't know.

chris almond said...

andy, i have a confession, i am the anonymous poster.

ashton kutcher come on in! you just got punk'd! I am not really the anonymous poster! YOU ARE! YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D AGAIN! http://www.newstoob.com/media/images/2007/March/punkd.jpg

chris almond said...

who would have guessed that when we were 9 and playing monopoly in your basement with blaine cannon that one day we would have the same blackberry cell phone?

Joliene said...

gosh, maybe you should just accept the fact that you are going to die alone. i mean, it's not like you have friends or anything. and obviously you think all non-Mormons are evil. I mean, hello, the moment I met you you held up a crucifix and splashed holy water on me. Come on, dude, stop being an asshole.

Bags said...

Welcome to the blog-o-sphere. The land where anonymous comments have the need to be treated very much in the same way as Youtube comments.

Also... want to digitally flip someone off? "--E" look at it sideways... it's very satisfying. Well, it's semi-satisfying.