Frozen bags of loneliness

I've made a few fascinating observations during the last couple of days. Well, let me preface this by saying that I have recently found comfort and solace in the online dating scene. Not by actually participating in the scene, mind you, but in the fact that the online dating stigma seems to be fading away like I hope to God Nickelback will soon fade away. Only, I hope Nickelback's demise is one that involves a great deal of screaming and plane crashing. What once was considered an utterly ludicrous and shameful way to meet people, is now blossoming into a ripe orchard, prime for picking. Now, I only say this gives me comfort due to the fact that, if I can't find a female the conventional way over the next few years, I'll at least have another option that is not completely taboo.

Two things made me arrive at this conclusion. First, on Sunday I was browsing Craigslist in San Diego, looking for housing to sort of get a grasp on what it would cost one to live there. Also, checking for restaurant openings. Just curious. On the left column of the page, I noticed that there were personal classified adds. Wondering what sort of creepers I would find soliciting themselves on Craigslist personals, I dove in. As I began browsing the various mid to late twenties, I expected to encounter all manner of mutants and undesirables. I was pretty shocked, to say the least. There was no shortage of seemingly normal, attractive females. Sure, there were your anticipated creatures and gorilla biters, but I would venture to say that it was probably a 50/50 ratio. And it was all so casual. Nobody was saying..."Geez. I can't believe it has finally come to this. Online man shopping. Please don't call me if you're a rapist with a mustache. Or just a normal guy with a mustache."

My second reinforcement came during the brief minutes before my race and minority relations class started. While setting up my laptop, I overheard a small piece of a conversation. Says one girl to another, "So what did you do this weekend?" Female two replied, "I went on a date on Saturday." Said the first, "Oh, who was it?" Female two, as casually as a sweet bro picking up on a swollen chested hottie replied, "Oh just some guy I met on LDS linkup."

Out popped my blackberry; quote archived.

She may as well have said, "I went to Wal-Mart and bought a bag of frozen chicken." So matter of fact, as though there was nothing socially deviant about hooking up with a guy from LDS linkup.

So I guess what I am getting at here, is that if I continue on in my course of unsuccessful conventional dating, I may have a future in the online game. All I have to do is find a good shirtless picture (I have at least one from two years ago when I was in shape) and suck in my gut during the first date (I assume I'll have a gut by the time I resort to internet courtship.) Then, all I have to do is win her over with my charms and wit, thus blinding her to the fact that I am chubby.

My loneliness shall have an end.I am probably going to catch a lot of flack for this picture. Deservedly so.


Snubbs the White Rabbit said...

Shirtless mountain biking? Sweet, bro...

Anonymous said...

Fun word I thought of today--"Follable" (said with spanish accent).

Also who Mt. bikes without a shirt? They were worn while riding--True?


Carlykins said...

This is the best post! I totally agree. I feel like dating has succomb to "online shopping". Select options and submit order! Ha. I feel like you can hide on the internet and the ratio of "normal" to "creeps" is changing. I have drawn the conclusion that whomever I am suppose to me or whomever I would best fit with just may drop out of the sky and land at my doorstep, preferably on my lap. =) Great post

Joliene said...

ya know, i gotta say that LDS linkup is PROBABLY a safer online dating option than many other sites... the very fact that someone is LDS would make me less wary of them. i'd be very surprised if a mormon tried to take advantage of me on a date or "moved too fast," ya know?

brady & laura Hales said...

sweet cargo pants... I only wish you were wearing some sort of hemp necklace, it would complete the stereotype.

Kelly Jo said...

sweet picture. is that a fixed gear bicycle?