Ode to the best woman alive

My mother is one of those people for whom it is very difficult to buy gifts. Mostly, because if there is something she needs or wants, she gets it. I think store bought cards are lame. They require no thought, beyond the last min..."uh oh. Birthday, or Mothers day, or Martin Luther King Jr. Day...I gotta get a card...or something." Anyhow, I was trying to think of the most meaningful thing I could do for my mother, the thing which she would most appreciate. This may sound stupid, but I think publicly recognizing her for the stellar mom that she is on my blog is probably the best thing that I can do. So. I have the best mom ever. Sorry to the rest of planet earth, but mine happens to be the best. I am sure there are certainly some close contenders, but...yeah. So I decided to write a poem real quick, as part of my mothers day treat. I'll be the first to admit that my poetry skills are elementary at best. So I guess what I am saying is don't judge my poetry skills. This isn't for you anyways. Unless you are my mom. And she would love it even if it sucked. Because she is the best. (So that this makes sense to people ignorant of my life-I was adopted. Birth father-college music teacher. Birth mother, student. Wahbam! Me. Born. Bought. Here I am today.)

Twenty-sixish years ago,
In a magical far away land,
A woman hesitantly approached her man
and took him by the hand.

I think we've got a problem dear,
I hope your not too pissed,
I think you might just curse the first time
that we ever kissed.

You may have noticed I've grown fatter,
well thats not entirely true...
I think that there's a baby in here,
and the father...well...he's you.

Damnation woman! What are you saying?
That I'm potent after all?
What to do? I'm terribly screwed,
This babe shall be my downfall.

I guess this means we have to get hitched,
I guess this means you're mine,
I'll make arrangements with the state,
We'll be married for all time.

Sorry sir, that will not work,
I'm a Mormon in case you forgot.
Marry a guy lacking a belief in God,
I most very certainly shall not.

Fine then woman, what to do?
We have an accident to fix you know,
Should we keep it and trade it off,
taking turns watching it grow?

Don't be absurd you foolish man,
He shant be passed to and fro,
I'm going to give him to someone else,
Who'll give him a stable home.

Little did they know another woman
In another far away land,
Not so hesitantly approached her man
And took him by the hand

Listen here my darling man,
I'm sick of having no kid,
I want a child to nurture and love,
I want to watch one grow big.

Don't get me wrong, your company is great
It's just that I'm ready for more,
I'm ready to finally pay the cash,
For a child whom I'll adore.

Nine months passed quite quickly,
The other woman found her self in a room,
Surrounded by doctors and nurses,
Helping me erupt forth from the womb.

Sad she was to let me go,
But she knew I wasn't her own,
The other woman had waited so long,
to finally have a child to take home.

Finally the woman had the child
She had so desperately waited for,
She gave him unconditional love,
He could never have asked for more.

Many times I tried her patience
yet she only loved me more,
she is certainly the greatest mom,
I could have ever asked for.

To this day I couldn't give enough thanks,
to the woman who gave me away,
for sending me to the perfect mom,
I hope to thank her someday.

Happy mothers day mom. You are the best.