Kissing and stuff

As previously mentioned, I came across my old journal. This little gem was written about a girl on whom I had a most intense crush.

"Amber Isaac. Isn't that the best name you ever heard? That is the name of the girl I plan to mary. She or if she is taken, maybe her sister." As Mormons, it would appear the desire to get married is instilled in us at a rather young age. "After my mission, she will be about 20. And if shes not already taken, I'll hit on her hard." I have no idea what exactly I meant by that. At that age, quite possibly I was planning on shoving her into a bush or giving her a white wash to prove my love. "But if she is taken, I have some alternatives. Its like this. Her sister, is most likly going to be a babe. She is younger than me, but when she gets more developed she will be hot." That statement would be rather incriminating and pretty perverted, had I not made it before I even had more than 7 public hairs. And yes, I misspelled that on purpose. Sounds less filthy that way. Who left the publics on the toilet? See? Way less harmful. "But any way, if Amber is taken, her sister will be about 18 or 19. It will work out well. Like I said, I have it all figured out."

I read this journal entry to a friend tonight. As I read that last part, it dawned on me that the person to whom I was reading was barely 20. So...When I was 14, I was writing about how I would marry a girl who was the age of the girl I was sitting next to...which means the girl I was sitting next to was approximately seven when I was making that entry. Yikes.

"The time I look most forward to, is waiting for my ride. That is about the only time of the day I get to talk to Amber. (When she is there.) I also get rides with her quite a bit. I love talking to her. I can be having the worst day, but if i talk to her, My day flips a Uie. I am going to right some info that I have found out about her: her b-day is June 11, her favorite band is No Doubt, and she also likes Oasis, and Bush. She likes the radio station x-96. She moved to nephi about 2 yrs ago. She likes to roller blade at the old gym on saturday nights from 6:00 to 9:00. I am thinking about asking her to go with me mabey this sat. or the next."

I was quite an adept little stalker, it would appear. I love that I referred to it as "info" I found out about her. This actually reminds me of a crush I had on a girl when I was like 10. She was my piano teachers daughter. Her name was Mandy McClellan. My crush consisted of calling her up, and then hanging up, (which tactic I still currently employ, although it is way less dramatic since there is not actually a phone to slam down, just a button) and spying on her house from behind a parked car, and throwing little pebbles at her door. Which, turned out to be the wrong house entirely. It would appear that I would become greatly disoriented in the 6 block car ride to get to my piano lesson. I was off by like...3 cul-de-sacs.

This entry was the best though: "Today was so boring. I probably went through my, well the conversation that I am goin to have with Amber tomorrow a ton of times. (or when ever she is waiting for her ride next time wich will hope fully be this week.) First I will go up to her an casualy ask when again the time on saturday that the place to skate opens." So phenomenally incoherent, that last sentence. "Then I'll ask if she goes there often. Then ask if lots of people go. Then I'll ask what kind of roller blades she has. And I'll ask how good she is. Depending on that answer, if she says she is not very good I'll ask her a couple of questions then I'll say do you want to go this saturday? Mabe I could show you how to do some stuff. Or if she is good, than I'll just ask if she is going on Saturday. Then if she say's no, I'll say, mabe well have to go togeather some time. it will work out quite nicly."

The sad thing is, I still do this very thing. Honest to God.

The next entry, 2 months later, bears sad news. "Well, I'm over Amber Isaac now. A ton of stuff has happened since I last wrote and stuff. I found out that Amber really liked me. She even wanted to go out with me and stuff. So I a asked her out but she couldn't because of her parrents and stuff. So we got really close. We even kissed once. Then once i put my around around her and stuff. We would go on walks and stuff alot. We would hang out alot and stuff. Then once saturday we were at classic and I asked her out again. But she blew me off. Now we are barely even school friends. Mean while I started to like this girl Julie Martinez. But she really likes one of my best friends alot so I don't got a chance." Story of my life.

So, in three consecutive entries over a span of 2 months, I found my true love, the girl I wanted to marry, planned and apparently successfully executed a stellar conversation with her, and then lost her. Apparently, when 14, somehow the kiss proceeded the arm around step. Well, I guess that was probably because it was an arm-around-and-stuff. The kiss wasn't even a kiss and stuff. Just a kiss. So, I guess the "stuff" is what made the difference there. Although, I can't for the life of me remember what the stuff was. Boy, it must have been great though. So great, that I had to codify it with "stuff." You know, In case my journal ever fell into the wrong hands.

Dear God, no wonder I lost her.


Joliene said...

Wow, your 14-year-old life was far more scandalous than mine. I didn't get a kiss until 16.

Maybe I should start planning out my conversations. I might get more of that kissing and stuff.

Lyns said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I was DYING reading this! It so cracked me up. Seriously, where is my journal? I want it right now! That pic is priceless. PRICELESS!

Michelle said...

that picture right there ... real gem. i would have never let you go.

megs said...

baha, i just laughed out loud. you were an amazing looking 14 year old. :)

i have many journal entries that sound exactly like that


love it

Debbie said...

WAAAY too funny. I have a link to one of the Isaac's blogs if your interested in seeing what you lost.

b said...

This is so so so ridiculous. Amber and Melinda moved to Spanish Fork, and I had the biggest crush on Amber when I was 17.

This boggles my mind.

Josie said...

that was funny and stuff. i'm glad you did a lot of stuff with amber and stuff while you were stuffing stuff.

Tod Robbins said...

Drew. You seriously have to submit this to some publisher. Pure gold. Laughed like a hobbit.

Dave said...

hilarious. LMAO. some of your finest work. Man, wouldn't writing comedy be so easy if you had a perfect record of everything that happened in your 14 year old brain? I know writing pornography would be, that's for dang sure.

Dave said...

btw, what is that prop you are standing behind in the photo? the "marlboro man fence"? what champion photographer at sears looked at your round glasses, rosy cheeks, and butt-part and thought, "you know what this says to me? tough cowboy. That's what it says."

you've got the stance down, I'll give you that. you could very easily be saying "hey there little missy, how'd you like to go to the barn raising with me on saturday? I've already rented a pretty little surry with a fringe on top--a real nice rig."

ravenwaves888 said...

good night! this is totally how I used to be. But I never got any kind of action. And I totally went to high school with Amber and Melinda..