Thanks for jiggling to help our bellies jiggle

Are there any people on the planet earth who appear to be more miserable and dejected than those who hold signs out in front of businesses, proclaiming stellar deals? Because if so, I have yet to encounter them. If anyone is not sure to what I am referring, just drive by a Little Caesars Pizza and look for the hopeless soul holding the sign that states the extremely well known fact that the $5 pizza is the only thing worth purchasing at that wretched establishment. Their current sign is fashioned in the shape of a guitar. I have driven by that place a couple times during the last few days on the way to school or Joe's house/R.V. and it has been the same guy out there holding it both times. There he stands, alone on the corner, a look of complete boredom/what-has-my-life-come-to? painted across his face, giving little half-hearted shakes to the sign. The quivering advertisement seems to mock him with each shallow joggle, as his efforts do not quite match the flamboyant tone of said sign.

These poor sign holders seem to generally fall into a similar profile--that of those kids you used to see at school who were awkward and appeared to be somewhat friendless. Friendless, that is, until they meet the guys that gather nightly in the Provo park and dress up like Medieval warriors and participate in epic mock-battles until the wee hours of the night. All in all, they usually seem to have an awkward air about them. But I suppose that could stem from the completely awkward and unrewarding nature of the job itself. Even a sweet bro would have a difficult time looking cool, chill, or sweet while participating in such a demeaning task. Unless he took off his shirt.

I guess the thing that I find most curious about the whole sign jiggling phenomenon, is the fact that there are people willing to do it for 5-7 bucks an hour. Let me add that not all sign jigglers make such pitiful wages. I have a dear friend who jiggled for a mortgage company and they paid her like 60 bucks on Saturdays to go stand on a corner for 4 hours, shaking away. Not bad for working the corner.

But there is no possible way on the planet that Little Caesar's sign shakers are making more than $7 in Utah Country. Anyhow, I admire their efforts at finding meaningful work. I mean, how else are we fat Americans going to know that we can purchase 2300 calories and 90 grams of fat, packed into one, delicious, cheezy, saucy delight, all for $5? I dare you to find more calories for less money, without simply eating a stick of butter.

Little Caesar's is pure, cheap, caloric bliss.