11.11.08

Bastard

Sorry my blog has been a rather large disappointment of late. Although, it may be a bit pretentious of me to suppose that very many people are actually "disappointed" about my lack of blogular input. The truth is, I have been working a lot lately. And when I am working a lot, my life is relatively boring and repetitive, and therefore my idea pool has been a little shallow of late.

Also, as silly as this sounds, I have begun to write a book. Ugh. I hate the way that sounds. I really feel like a pretentious bastard every time I say it. Actually, I am writing a book about a pretentious bastard who is writing a book about a pretentious bastard.

Okay, so that isn't true. Except for the part about feeling like a pretentious bastard. Although, I suppose I could add the "bastard" tag to just about anything concerning myself, since technically I am/was. My birth father was a teacher who knocked up his student, thus earning me the title of "bastard." Actually, the first time that I realized that the technical term "bastard" applied to me was when I was about 16. I was watching Oprah, and the theme was "bastards," or something. As I was reveling in Oprah's wisdom, it suddenly occurred to me that, being born out of wedlock, I qualified as a so called "bastard." My mother was in the kitchen baking a food. I turned around and said, "Wait a second. So I'm a bastard? I'm a bastard, aren't I?" To which she replied, "Well...not really. Uhh...we sort of saved you from that." To which I said, "Huh. I'm a bastard."

So, I suppose one could correctly call me a "lucky bastard," or an "ugly bastard," or even an "awesome bastard." I guess my point is, you may call me pretentious for writing a book, but you might as well not bother adding the bastard tag. I've spent the last 10 years coming to terms with the fact that I was probably conceived on a desk, or in a broom closet, so if you feel the need to offend me, try something else. I have accepted my bastarditity.

So really the whole point of this seemingly crass post (although it really isn't, because bastard isn't an expletive when used in proper context) is that I have been doing a lot of book writing, thus my blog is suffering.

Sorry.

Bastards unite!

12 comments:

Carla said...

you make your conception sound a lot more exciting than the rest of ours... way to embrace the whole teacher/student/desk scene and the fortunate events that followed

An observer said...

Are you actually saying anything on here, or just making use of the word? This blog is incredibly narcissistic, and you'd do well to realize that not everyone is as obsessed with their own deficiencies as you seem to be. Just because you play dress-up, in order to make yourself look as if you have an original point of view, does not make it so.

I think I speak for nearly everyone in saying that I am not excited for the "book" you're writing. Should be the same self indulgent drivel I find on here. I find most of the hipster scene equally the same: let's get theatric and hijack creativity as our own. It doesn't work, it's old, and completely inauthentic.

Fish Nat!on said...

Wow observer. You critical people are always the same. Spineless cowards that are full of criticism, yet too afraid to show your face. If you find my blog to be "narcissistic" or "self indulgent drivel," why read? Please, don't further waste your precious, authentic, and creative time.

Fish Nat!on said...

Oh, at to what deficiencies are you referring? I scrolled down through the last several posts, looking for some self loathing and couldn't really find any.

Are you really that daft to think that I legitimately see being a so called "bastard" as a deficiency? Perhaps you are doing that which you seem to condemn--taking yourself too seriously. Which would explain your hipster hatred. And I would love to read some of your "original points of view." I'm certain it would be an enlightening, unique experience.

An observer proved accurate said...

With two incredibly defensive, thin-skinned responses made less than an hour after I posed, thank you for proving my point.

Fish Nat!on said...

touche my friend. touche. your wisdom and logic are unparalleled,

Angie said...

"I think I speak for nearly everyone in saying that I am not excited for the "book" you're writing. "

Not so, Observer. I think you are having some difficulty embracing your own narcissism, Observer. Of course we bloggers are narcissistic. Why else would a person create a personal website and write personal things? I think we should be less concerned about other's narcissism and be more concerned with respecting each other.

By the way, do I look fat?

Joliene said...

Fish, should your book get published, I will buy it.

criddlenation said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
criddlenation said...

Hmm, it seems the observer is probably someone holding an unappreciated editing position at some insignificant editorial or newspaper. It is clear that he has reason loath the blogger as mediums such as this have caused his readership to dwindle even more so than the worthless drivel that has come to define most print news in our day. So really it is the observer that deserves our pity and not the ever-droll fishkins.

Dave said...

wow, what a jackass.

observe that, observer.

mrs. r said...

um... i hope observer sits on a tack. "he/she/it" is too smart for me.

but, i have to tell you that if you write a book, i will buy it. i am sure there will be much laughter held therein.

i also have to tell you that i laughed out loud at the bastard thing. dying here.

i am not a bastard, but i am married to one and both of my sons are.

isn't adoption wonderful? i loved your mom's response. i have much to learn from her.

write on, bastard friend. i will continue to read.