6.11.08

A new age

During this time of election, I have done a great deal of soul searching. There have been a lot of really tough issues with which I have had to deal, and a lot of ideas and ideals I have had to examine. Such as where I stood on Prop 8, even though I didn't get to vote for it. Or for whom I was going to cast my vote; a crinkled old dishonest, mud-slinging Bush-replica, or a scary left wing liberal God-king?

I voted for neither. Bob Barr got my vote. And Superdell. But that is neither here nor there.

As I listened to Obama's coronation speech, victory speech, let us heal our wounded, divided hearts speech--call it what you will--I couldn't help but really really want to believe in him. I wanted to believe every syllable, smoothly and eloquently sliding out of his mouth. I wanted to be able to bask in the ecstasy of hope, in which so many millions were reveling. I wanted to love him; to finally really love a president.

But then I snapped out of it. I realized it was suddenly snowing outside and that fall had abruptly been wrenched from my sweet embrace by the cold, cruel hand of winter. It was like a light bulb suddenly illuminating my weak, sheep-like mind; a mind that had nearly been duped by the wily, sinister, mind-raping tactics of that most persuasive and incontrovertible of speakers. I had nearly been tricked just as 63 million other fools had been. It was made clear to me in that precise moment--an epiphany of sorts--that everything bad occurring in my life, and the lives of every American from this point forward is, and will be Obama's fault. Not the cold, cruel hand of winter; the merciless, obdurate hand of Obama.

The weather in Utah has been perfect for nearly a month and a half. This has been one of the longest falls I can recall. Each morning, I joyfully tore my sweet head from my pillow, and relished the perfect temperatures, frolicked in the auburn leaves, and was absolutely thrilled to be alive. Then, just like that, Obama wins the election. And that very eve, in the midst of his victory speech, it begins to snow. An obvious correlation for anyone even moderately observant. Obviously, Obama caused the snow. Which, I think, is rather metaphorical to his pending reign of terror. Just as the snow was the death of a glorious season, thus is Obama's eminent appointment to the white house the end of all that is good and holy. If the United States does not sink into the sea a moldering, socialistic heap during the next 4 years, I'll eat my confederate flag.

God help us.

10 comments:

criddlenation said...

good stuff fishman. we should definitely ignite some pumpkin bombs and lob them into the pit of despair this weekend as part of the inaugural commencement of the new age.

Joliene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Liz said...

Brilliant, man. Brilliant.

Joliene... calm down, he won. You don't have to defend his experience anymore. We just get to watch the next 4 years play out.

As he said, "God help us."

Dave said...

I'm with Joliene on this one. Well put. But then, I am a liberal NY hippie these days.

Fish Nat!on said...

Man. Nobody is getting this post. I guess I'm not the clever satirist I thought I was.

gwailow said...

About time we get to start blaming crap on something/somebody new. It's hard for me to convince myself that that freaking no good El Nino is still reaking utter havoc in my life.

aenon. said...

this is hilarious. duh. yaomingsex.edu.facetious

Alison said...

i read my husband your superdell post. you sold him. well he loved him already. he also voted for bob and dell. and after talking to him and reading your post, i now know it is inevitable that we will soon be a hoveled mass gathered in the cultural hall surviving off of food storage in America's soon to be Nazi-Germany like state. commi bastards.

mistyb said...

Hey, I found you through the R House. I completely agree with your sentiments. I hope everyone is ready to work hard for the change everyone is crying for...

mistyb said...

Hey, I found you through the R House. I completely agree with your sentiments. I hope everyone is ready to work hard for the change everyone is crying for...