Sometimes there comes a point where a man has had all he can take.
It seems like it was so long ago. Such a brief, fleeting period of time. There was nothing that could have prepared me for you, your sweet caress. When the time came, as ready as I was to move on, the thought of loosing you was nearly the death of me.
How would I make it through my day to day? After a particularly tough moment, what would I do without you there to ease the burden and wash away my pain?
Sometimes there comes a point when a man breaks down and buys a bidet.
I did it. After 5.5 years of walking about this land of Provo unclean, all is about to change. Sam's Club, online, $80. It's called the Go Bidet, and it attaches to the toilet bowl and connects to the waterline. After defecation, one simply pulls a lever which swings the arm out directly beneath ones anal region, and wham! Clean as a whistle.
The only thing to which I am not looking forward, is winter time. I doubt that I have the plumber savy to figure out how to connect it to the hot water, so it shall ever be a cold cleansing. And during the winter, it can get to the point where it really feels like one is shoving an icicle up one's rectum. Still, more pleasant than conventional wiping. I'll do whatever it takes to stop simply smearing it about.
It should be arriving early this next week, and I'm as excited as a fat kid at Christmas. I have a feeling that this may easily be the best $80 I have ever spent.