A thorn in my side

I guess I have a love/hate relationship with all of the puncture weeds that adorn the outside of our home. They create a rather impregnable barrier all around the yard and parking lot, warding off all unwanted cyclists/cougs who would think to park their bike there and walk to school. Unless of course, one knows how to navigate around them.

The problem is, those who actually are welcome in the home, inadvertently track untold numbers of those wretched thorns all over the place. Sort of ironic, really. I find myself stepping on them constantly, and consequentially cursing, followed by either minor bleeding, or possibly just more cursing.

I have found that Visa seems to be the Lee brand of credit cards. Maybe even High Sierras. As a restaurant tech, I inherently swipe a lot of credit cards, many of them Visas. I have found that I have more problems with Visas than with any other card. Rarely will a Visa work on the first swipe. Lee's may look fashionable and great at first glance, but upon further crotchial scrutiny, one comes to realize that those jeans were really not made to fit any sort of ass. Similarly, a Visa may at first appear to be flawless; no creasing, an impeccable magnetic strip, and 2 years before the expiration is up. No matter the perfection, chances are I will have to work myself into a lather trying to get it to work.

American Express? Even the grimiest, most haggard Amex card always works the first time. I think that Amex card holders may be more monetarily responsible as well. In the last 2 days, I have had 4 Visas decline. Yesterday, a young man and his girlfriend/fiancee came in. Upon termination of their meal, she went off to the bathroom to poop, which I surmised by the fact that she disappeared for about 10 minutes. Her chubby boyfriend gave me a Visa, which was promptly declined. So I returned, and explained to him that I couldn't get it to work (I try to make it seem like it is the fault of our machinery, rather than the fact that he didn't have enough bloody money in his account, and was too daft to realize it.) So he shoved his meaty fist back into his pocket to retrieve yet another Visa, or High Sierra, if you will. That one declined as well. Once I explained to him that a second "malfunction" had occurred, he informed me that we would have to wait until his fiancee finished defecating so he could acquire her card.

Finally, she finished up and gave me a card that worked. Now, I call her his fiancee due to the fact that she was wearing a ring, and he was not. And I really, really wanted to say, "are you sure? Really? Are you really really sure?" I guess I just can't fathom having 2 different cards, and not having any clue that both accounts were overdrawn/marrying a numb skull who was that oblivious.

Of course, I was punished for his poverty/stupidity and was tipped $2 on 30. What did any of that have to do with puncture weeds? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.