Dear good people of the earth,
I am leaving. Today, I go into the wilderness. I am going to Havasupai, possibly to die. If I decide not to die, I will be back Thursday. As the Universe has been particularly cruel to me of late, I expect that it might try to destroy me there. Perhaps a wild creature attack, or maybe a tomahawk to the chest. Possibly being pounded to death against the rocks beneath a waterfall. Or chewed to death by many small rodents. Giardia, maybe? Being smitten by falling boulders or pebbles that fell from a great hight, thus rendering them natural bullets, fired from mother natures bosom? So many possibilities.
One thing is for sure--I shall have the time of my life. That, and Michael Phelps will probably win another gold medal. Also, countless trinkets will be created in Chinese factories, emblazoned with a "made in China" stamp, and shipped all over the globe. Probably mostly here. And thank heavens those little tiny gynmnists won a gold medal, so they didn't get sent back to the orphanage/shoe factory to toil out the rest of their days in shame.
Anyways see you Thursday.
Actually, let me leave you with this. So much funnier if you understand Spanish, or are slightly familiar with Mexican vulgarity/slang.