Swords perpetuate laziness

I think today I may have reached the epitome of human laziness. I was laying on a couch attempting to work on my computer. Colin was sitting on the couch furthest from the tv and I was on the one closest. We had previously put I-Robot into our DVD mechanism, which happens to be a total piece of shi. There is no remote, so one must simply wait patiently for all of the previews and other nonsense to pass before the movie starts.

Once the option screen finally came up, we both just sat there in silence for a moment. Then Colin said, "Turn it on. You are closer." I had no desire to remove myself from the couch. I said, "No. I always turn it on. You turn it on." He said, "Well. I can wait 20 minutes, it will just turn itself on." I thought for a moment, then replied, "Pass me the sword."

Because we have a ridiculous medieval sword laying around the house.

So, Colin handed me the sword. I stretched my arm outward, steady as a tree limb. I deftly touched the blade tip to the play button, thus initiating 2 hours of Will Smith one-liners and guilty pleasure.

I hope to someday bury that sword into the chest of someone who murdered someone that I love. Well, if someone I loved is ever murdered. I suppose I should rework that statement a little bit.

I hope that, if ever someone I dearly love is murdered, I may satisfy justice by burying that sword in the offender's heartless chest. Since there is no heart, I'd probably just have to just poke a lung or something.

Who am I?


Creed and Tiffany said...


Just wanted to "dar gracias" for the reading pleasure.

Angie said...

For your last comment:

Hahahaha. That was funny. NOT.

Yeah. I just said that.

Lauren! said...

I always wondered what boys did with all that fancy faux weaponry. This is very telling.

Petey said...

Yeah, I know this is an older post, but I just wanted to point out that there is something I would love to do with a medieval sword and Will Smith. And it doesn't involve watching one of his talentless films.

That's all.