14.8.08

Take it easy on the bunions

I would hypothesize that there aren't too many experiences more awkward than that of getting a pedicure from a 16 year old boy. Me being a man, I mean. I was feeling a bit flamboyant, and all my female cousins/sister were doing it, so I thought, "Well my feet are generally gross. Why not allow a nice Asian female to remedy that?"

Go ahead, call me a racist. But you can't tell me that when you hear the word "pedicure," you don't immediately picture a nice little Korean lady. That, or maybe a platinum blond female who probably has a difficult time differentiating between "then" and "than."

It's tough. It really is.

So I sat down in what turned out to be the most painful "massage chair" that my spine has ever experienced. More like, scrape-a-jagged-rock-up-and-down-my-vertebrae-chair. It never could quite muster up the electrical efficiency to actually vibrate, though it gave a good college effort. I could hear a subtle hmmmmttttttttttthhhmmmmmm-tut-tut, when I pushed the vibrate button. Oh well, at least it tried. I attempted to stop the painful spine bludgeoning after a few minutes, only to gleefully discover that the stabbing mechanism wouldn't retract into the chair once shut off. So I "enjoyed" the remainder of my pedicure with two balls shoved into the middle of my back. My cousin had previously begun the treatment next to me. There was a tiny little Korean man deftly clipping at his toes with tiny little scissors. I could have felt good about a 45 year old man giving me the work down.

Then this 16 year old kid sits down in front of me, and starts awkwardly directing me about how the torture chair works, and where to put my feet. My pedicure began in silence. The 45 year old next to me was making broken, though pleasant conversation with my cousin. After about 5 minutes of silence, 16 year old asks me what my name is. I tell him. He responds, "Hello. I'm Awn Yon. Nice to meet you," in barely a whisper. The whisper effect somehow made the whole thing seem somewhat creepily sensual. After this, there was mostly silence. Awkward, painful silence.

Every time I met his eyes, we would both immediately and awkwardly look away. I think mostly because...what the hell was a 16 year old boy doing giving me a pedicure? After one particularly uncomfortable eye lock, I asked how long he had been doing it for. "Oh, I don't. I'm just helping. But...I've done this before."

As I then continued receiving the worst (and only) pedicure of my life, I couldn't help but be jealous of my cousin's treatment by 45 year old steady hands Mc'Cho. That guy obviously knew what he was doing.

Probably the biggest waste of $24 ever, but dammit my feet are smooth.

8 comments:

crystalhunt7 said...

Bummer. I live for pedicures. They're pretty much my favorite thing.

And I know what you're thinking. But, no. This really is Crystal.

Estee Cook said...

i totally just loled.

Estee Cook said...
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Lauren! said...

Haha wow. I've never actually had a pedicure. It's sounds dangerous.

Lauren! said...
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Angie said...

Hahahaha. This whole experience makes me laugh out loud.

Btw I've been thinking that it would be awesome to make a documentary about Korean nail techs. Do they have dreams? Aspirations? I'd love to finally know what the heck they're talking to each other about while they're scrubbing my feet.

Katie said...

Ok, this is just about one of the funniest posts I've ever read! The mental image was GREAT! I'm Scott's sister...My mom just loves your blog and told me to take a look, and I'm so glad I did. Are you sure they weren't Vietnamese?? LOL...I've never had a Korean do my pedicures before! Hahaa! Just one word for your experience,
A-W-K-W-A-R-D!

Joliene said...

i love you for the "then" and "than" comment.