Piss. there. i said it. that's what this is about.

I find it a curious thing that there are only (referencing my vast wealth of knowledge and experience) a few foods that will cause one's piss to absolutely reek. 3 that I can think of. I would propose asparagus as the first and foremost that jumps into peoples' mind upon pondering about stuff that makes piss stink.

Asparagus I can live with. I probably eat that stuff fewer than once or twice a month. I think perhaps I may be mistaken about the second one--Cheerios. I think rather than causing one's piss to smell different, Cheerios actually just smell like piss. When they are soaked in milk, that is. Honestly, so many times throughout my life I have been standing at a urinal and thought, "Why am I suddenly craving Cheerios? Oh. Wait. All of these collective piss dribblings combine to trick my mind into thinking that Cheerio consumption would be a good idea right now. Duh."

I think the most insidious of all piss tainting agents would be Golden Puffs/Honey Smacks. After consuming said delightful cereal, one's piss completely absorbs the scent of soggy Puffs. For me, when that smell hits my nose, it sort of drop kicks my gag reflex in the chest, attempting to incite a reunion between the puffs' smell and the actual regurgitated puffs themselves. Which I hate. Because I really like those puffs. I try to remember to hold my breath upon post-puff consumption pissings, but usually I either forget, or can't hold my breath long enough, as my lung capacity can't quite cover the actually drizzling and subsequent washing of hands. And our sink is practically hovering above the toilet, so the scent isn't easily evaded.

I realize this is a rather filthy post, which probably makes me sound like a person with stinky piss, who often suffers due to the pungency of said piss. This is not true. This is really only an issue upon consuming the afore mentions items. Am I the only one who has noticed this?

Perhaps I am the only one, and this is just one more attempt by the Universe to cause me untold misery. Damn you, Universe. Why couldn't it be Cocoa Puffs? Cocoa Puffs, I could walk away from and never look back. Honey Smacks, however...hook me up to a Honey Smack iv and let me live in peace.


Katie said...

Hmmmm...you might be alone on this one? Asparagus definitely! Cheerios, not so sure...Honey Smacks, don't like them! However, I just about wet my pants reading your post about sniffing your fingers! That was so funny because it's so true! We all sniff our fingers when they smell like something we don't like, Hahaha! Once again, I'm Scott's sister (you're probably wondering why someone you don't know has been leaving you comments...what can I say, my mom got me hooked on your blog!)

Patricia said...

i found a cockroach chillin by my toilet this morning. your worst nightmare.

Joliene said...

i think you are the only person i know who eats that cereal. you must not be the only one, because they make the stuff, but i have never seen it in anyone's home.