How to win friends and influence people

Here is a little something that you may have never really thought about. If at ever during your earthly sojourn you happen to make a request of somebody which may involve the approval of multiple persons, watch for this phrase: "I don't care if nobody else cares."

What this translates to, is "I would really rather you didn't, but I don't have the audacity to actually say that, therefore I shall send you on to the next person, hoping they might."


This guy lived with us for about three weeks. He happened to be a recovering Heroin addict. So what. One night, he disappears. All of his stuff--gone. Doesn't say a word to anyone. Whatev.

Mid last week, he comes back. He asks roommate A if he can crash on the couch. "Yeah, well uh...I guess I don't care if nobody else does." He then proceeded to roommate B asking the same, with nearly an identical response. I really had no desire to allow him to stay on the couch, as I have nearly $4000 dollars worth of bike sitting outside my room. I guess the whole heroin I-would-sell-my-grandmother-into-prostitution-to-get-some thing kinda makes me a bit nervous. Relapse, ya know?

So obviously when it came to my turn, I, being too cowardly to overturn the other two "I guess so" votes, basically said the same thing. "Yeah, I guess if nobody else minds."

So I guess my point is this; if you ever ask someone something and receive a similar response, you should take that as a screaming declaration that they do not want you to do whatever it was that you wanted to do. That was a lot of do's, you's, and to's. And lots of w's. What a remarkable sentence.

However, that is definitely preferable to the loud-mouthed douche who came barging in the door at noon on Sunday, no knocking. He yells for two other guys who live here. I said, "Hello?" He demanded to know where roommates C and A were located. I said "Probably church." He said, "Oh. Well I live here in the fall, so I am crashing on the couch a few days." I said, "Huh." Then he proceeded to infest said couch and turn on baseball.

I don't like that man.

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