Last night I bore witness to one of the more disturbing family home evening games with which I have ever come into contact. I am generally pretty anti family home evening games as it is, but this one pretty much pushed me over the top and made me really really want to move away and never come back. Or grow a mustache and become a sex offender. Either way.
While milling about, I heard whispers here and there of a kissing game that was going to be played. Being a relatively normal and less than pathetic person, I generally shun such tomfoolery. A girl began to ask people their names and wrote them down on small slips of paper. After all the prep work, the males lined up on one side of the yard, and the females on the other. This game was going to be played in the front yard, no less. Shameless.
A name was drawn, and that person sat in the middle. We will go ahead and refer to him as "Bill." Then two more names were called, one a male and one a female. Reginald and Shaniqua. Someone would then yell "go," and Shaniqua would then attempt to kiss Bill on the cheek, before Reginald kissed her on the cheek.
After a moment or two of silent, appalled observance, I decided the game was probably called "Rape Kiss." It was the most absurd activity I have ever witnessed at a church sponsored function. There was this ginormous, meat-head football player who was really adept at wrapping his meaty hands around the opposing female's skinny necks and going in for a vicious peck, followed by a good, hearty "mwahh ha ha."
Then there was the creepy giggler who would sort of hunch his back and prance along with T-rex arms and a hella disturbing look on his face. Most girls seemed quite able to evade his advances. I am not sure exactly what particular look was painted across my face during most of it--some mixture of disgust, projected embarrassment, and an overall what-the-hell-is-going-on-here look.
I realize we are all mid-twenties Mormons, and frustrated because we have sex NEVER. But do we really need to resort to playing Rape Kiss to placate our painfully unfulfilled desires?
Hang in there guys, marriage will come someday soon. Unless you get charged with a felony after failing to properly explain the real details of Rape Kiss to an unsuspecting prude.