10.6.08

One more reason to avoid attending BYU/carry mace

Last night I bore witness to one of the more disturbing family home evening games with which I have ever come into contact. I am generally pretty anti family home evening games as it is, but this one pretty much pushed me over the top and made me really really want to move away and never come back. Or grow a mustache and become a sex offender. Either way.

While milling about, I heard whispers here and there of a kissing game that was going to be played. Being a relatively normal and less than pathetic person, I generally shun such tomfoolery. A girl began to ask people their names and wrote them down on small slips of paper. After all the prep work, the males lined up on one side of the yard, and the females on the other. This game was going to be played in the front yard, no less. Shameless.

A name was drawn, and that person sat in the middle. We will go ahead and refer to him as "Bill." Then two more names were called, one a male and one a female. Reginald and Shaniqua. Someone would then yell "go," and Shaniqua would then attempt to kiss Bill on the cheek, before Reginald kissed her on the cheek.

After a moment or two of silent, appalled observance, I decided the game was probably called "Rape Kiss." It was the most absurd activity I have ever witnessed at a church sponsored function. There was this ginormous, meat-head football player who was really adept at wrapping his meaty hands around the opposing female's skinny necks and going in for a vicious peck, followed by a good, hearty "mwahh ha ha."

Then there was the creepy giggler who would sort of hunch his back and prance along with T-rex arms and a hella disturbing look on his face. Most girls seemed quite able to evade his advances. I am not sure exactly what particular look was painted across my face during most of it--some mixture of disgust, projected embarrassment, and an overall what-the-hell-is-going-on-here look.

I realize we are all mid-twenties Mormons, and frustrated because we have sex NEVER. But do we really need to resort to playing Rape Kiss to placate our painfully unfulfilled desires?

Hang in there guys, marriage will come someday soon. Unless you get charged with a felony after failing to properly explain the real details of Rape Kiss to an unsuspecting prude.

9 comments:

Crystal said...

Funny you should mention this. I believe it's called kissing rugby. Although when I played it there was no kissing involved--it was basically just a very violent (and sorta fun) game of tag. I say violent because I got the wind knocked out of me a few times by some very large men. Frankly I'm shocked that I escaped without broken bones. But, like I said, it was kinda fun I thought . . .

Jill said...

Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! Only at a sinlges ward function. NICE!

Lyns said...

Oh no they didn't! I would have given anything to watch you play that game. You know where I went to school, and I was never subjected to anything like that! :)

Snubbs the White Rabbit said...

Haha, amazing. That would have been a new low for me as well. I actually had a nice FHE for once last night. My ward had a bonfire at the beach. What a novel idea? Haha. Dude, I hate mac grill so much. Tonight was the worst night ever. I can't wait to quit.

BTW, my mom commented to me the other on how much she loves your blog. She wanted to comment but she feels dumb because she thinks that everyone that reads your blog is young and she isn't. Haha, anyways, just thought i'd let you know that.

Carla said...

i think you would appreciate this http://www.tofslie.com/hey/2008/06/08/i-gave-an-award-to-a-parked-car/

Katie said...

Wow, that's pretty craptastic.


I would have been torn between walking away vowing to never return to FHE and wanting to watch the carnage.




This is a prime example of why I never went to FHE the last two years I was at BYU.

Amy said...

Wow...bless them.

brady & laura Hales said...

oh boy. I remember playing a game like this called funny bones... no kissing mind you... but it was kinda the whole point. Do we really need to admit we're that desperate? -Laura

Jordyn said...

I'm not Mormon, but I thought that was hilarious. As is the rest of your blog. Lol. Sooo funny.